Ailing society, here lies the treatment
Many people of this world feel overly troubled when afflicted with hunger, disease, loss of wealth or poverty; career frustrations and find themselves in distress. Some of them suffer from despair and depression.. Our day to day life is afflicted with anxiety which is the direct outcome of poverty or other hardships. Whatever the situation, we must not forget Allah’s words.
Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. (Qur’an s2;v155)
Depression; Frustration; Helplessness…..Many people experience sadness. About 15 percent of the general public will suffer from major depressive disorder sometime in their life, following major trauma such as death in the family, diseases, divorce, financial, career dissatisfactions or job loss or things like that . Depression resembles sadness, but it is more severe and intense. A person with major depressive disorder suffers intense mental, emotional, and physical anguish, and substantial disability. The depression disrupts family, job, and social functioning.. A depressed mood is a normal reaction to disappointments or losses. The ignorant person due to lack of Imaan (faith) finds himself in a misery, fear and grief and helplessness. He or she forgets Allah has decreed these matters to occur and the decisions are His, and His alone. One can never feel completely at ease unless he/she has firm belief that whatever has afflicted him/her was already pre ordained.” No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in the book of decree - before We bring it into existence”:57;22
Depression is viewed by many patients and the lay public as evidence of a character defect or lack of will power, but in reality it is lack of Iman. Iman is that you believe in Allah. His angels, His books, His messangers, The Last day, and QADAR-whether good or Bad.{Al Bukahri, Muslim and others from Umar (RAA)} so that he or she would know whatever happens to him could not have missed him. And whatever misses him could not have happened to him. (Al Tirmidhi and Ibn Afiyy.)
Hope, Challenge and Perseverance:
Muslims must put their own acts together. They must rebuild their trust in Allah. There is no room for despair in Islam; it is against the Iman (faith):Allah(ST) says “…do not despair of Allah’s mercy…[Q, 39:53] Allah helps when there is no help in sight. Every scenario we encounter is a test question and must be answered with a sense of accountability by Allah (s). It is temporary: “This life of the world is but a pastime and a game. The home of the Hereafter - that is life…”. [Q, 29: 64] That is, here no position is permanent in this world. (M. R.Khan). The word “Islam” is an Arabic word which means “submission to the will of God”. This word comes from the same root as the Arabic word “salam”, which means “peace”. As such, the religion of Islam teaches that in order to achieve true peace of mind and surety of heart, one must submit to God and live according to His Divinely revealed Law. Being a Muslim entails willful submission and active obedience to God, and living in accordance with His message. There is no room for hopelessness which is a form of disbelief. And your Lord said: “Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islâmic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything], I will respond to your (invocation). (040:060) Verily, those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islâmic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation. (027:062) Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil, and makes you inheritors of the earth, generations after generations? Is there any ILLâh (god) with Allâh? Little is that you remember!
Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.39:53 And those who having done something to be ashamed of or wronged their own souls earnestly bring Allah to mind and ask for forgiveness for their sins and who can forgive sins except Allah? And are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have don e(3:135).If anyone does evil or wrongs his own soul but afterwards seeks Allah’s forgiveness he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (4;110).
Literally speaking helplessness is the Lack of self-trust, inability to establish a sense of trust in yourself so that you can open yourself up to be vulnerable to hurt and failure by taking a risk to “do for’’ yourself rather than to rely on others to “do it’’ for you.
There is a way we can get with the frustration we come across in our daily life.
First: Identify those problems, obstacles, fears, or issues over which you feel helpless and identify what beliefs keep you locked into being helpless for each one.
Second: Develop a new belief system that encourages you to recognize that being independent, competent, self-confident, and capable of helping, “fixing,’’ and changing yourself is healthy, desirable, and necessary for you.
Third: Learn what “normal” coping behaviors are from others who are in a healthier place than yourself.
Fourth: Practice healthy coping, problem-solving, fear-desensitizing, and conflict-resolving behaviors.
Fifth: Build on your successes at being an independent, free-standing self-helper, self-coper, and self-healer.
Sixth: Remember that success breeds success and be sure to reinforce yourself for all of your successes even if they be small ones.
Seventh: Accept that relapse is part of the recovery process and get back with your program of self-help if you should slip or fall back to your old mold of helplessness.
Eighth: Call upon your Higher Power to give you the courage, strength, and persistence necessary to gain self-sufficiency to cope with your life.
Ninth: Give permission to your network of support to “call you on’’ any lapses back into a “helpless’’ mode of being.
Tenth: When you get angry about “always having to do it on your own,’’ do anger workouts to ventilate these emotions which are traps waiting to draw you back into your old attention-seeking, helpless role in life.
Eleventh: Parent your “inner child’’ by nurturing and self-loving self-scripts and allow your “inner child’’ to grow to be a healthy adult by giving it the freedom to make a mistake or fail in its attempts at self-help.
Twelfth: Develop a sense of patience to accept that it takes time (an entire lifetime) to fully rid yourself of a sense of helplessness since it is often such an ingrained, automatic habit of acting, thinking and feeling for you.
Thirteenth: Let go of your perfectionistic need to be ‘“healed perfectly” since it traps you to give up if at first you don’t do it exactly right.
Fourteenth: Emotionally detach from all “fixers,’’ advice givers, rescuers, and enablers in your life so as not to fall into their need for you to be helpless in order for them to relate to you.
Fifteenth: Stop hiding behind all your old excuses, beliefs, and clichés about why you can’t possibly help yourself.
Sixteenth: Have a farewell party or wake for the “old you’’ who was wrapped up in self-pity, self-doubt, and self-abasement.
Seventeenth: Let go of that “old you’’ and as in any death grieve all of the losses involved in no longer benefiting from the old role of helplessness.
Eighteenth: Embrace the “new you’’ who is more self-competent, self-helping, self-healing, self-respecting, self-confident, and self-enhancing and recognize all of the healthy, normal, natural, beneficial consequences of living your life in this way.
Self-Help Skills and Behaviors
Step1: Self help of helplessness, identify in yourself the following, to find remedial measures. What are the issues involved with you and these people over which you are helpless?. The professional helpers upon whom you have to seek help are well experienced –it is worth once to visit them rather to become emotionally dependent? What irrational, unhealthy beliefs keep you in your role of helplessness with each of these people and in each of the “helpless to overcome’’ issues in your life? Identify why it is so difficult for you to accept personal responsibility for helping yourself to overcome each of the problems, fears, issues, and conflicts over which you currently feel helpless. Identify the benefits to you of taking personal responsibility for helping yourself on your own and under your own power and control. Identify the negative effects for you of remaining helpless as you face your current problems, fears, conflicts and issues. Identify why your efforts in the past to overcome your sense of helplessness failed. What did you lose in your life when you became more capable of helping yourself?
Step 2: Once you have thoroughly assessed the state of your sense of helplessness, then you need to identify what you need in order to grow in the skills of self-coping, self-help and self-healing. To do this respond to the following.
Allah (ST) praises His submissive servants who remember Him in calamities:” And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirûn “(the patient).(02:155)
Directions: In order to help yourself grow into a more self-sufficient, self-nurturing, self-healing, and self-confident person, you need more of the following self-help skills. .an overwhelming need to learn about it to alter your feelings about it and to put it into practice since you have only heard of it and know nothing about it and have never practiced it in your life;
To practice healthy, assertive behaviors in all of my relationships ;To eliminate the need to play “sick,’’ “victim,’’ or “martyr’’ roles in my life .To reduce competition in my interpersonal relationships. To have healthy intimacy with others. To set goals with the others with whom I have relationships .To recognize when my relationships are based on reality rather than on fantasy or a dream of the way it could be. To use forgiveness and forgetting in overcoming hurts in relationships .To establish a healing environment with others when needed. To help others recognize when they need help . To recognize and accept the reality of losses in my life .To reduce denial mechanisms from blocking my need to change .To cease bargaining in my need to change. To let go of the past and get on with the present. To face and accept death as a reality of life .
Assess and recognize your self , as you are -Good self-helper. You have enough skills and behaviors to assist you to overcome the sense of helplessness in your life.
Fair self-helper. You have a need to learn more about normal self-help skills and behaviors if you are to successfully overcome the sense of helplessness in your recovery process. The Remedy for Frustration ; The Sharee’ah aims to eliminate frustration. In every condition the Sharee’ah endeavours that man is at peace. Whether it be in sorrow or in happiness, it is the Sharee’ah’s aim that man is at peace, not of frustration. The Sharee’ah teaches the way of lightening grief and sorrow.
Let’s follow the way of Almighty Allah and find out solution of our all problems. Therein lies the solution of all our worries.
(Dr Fiaz Maqbool Fazili can be mailed at fiazmfazili@yahoo.com)
