https://www.greaterkashmir.com/news/gk-magazine/the-sin-of-flattery/
ESSON
You can curry favour by having people flattered, but in the process you lose your own self, writes Dr. Fiaz Fazili.
Prophet (SAW) said,’’If ever you encounter those who flatter, throw dust in their faces.”( Bukhari’). Being able to speak is a blessing, and that Allah (ST) granted such ability for a specific purpose. On the Day of Judgment everyone will be held responsible for every word they have uttered. Sometimes, as we struggle along through and endure these perilous times bad times, it can seem like the devil is winning on every front. Often it truly does seem that every single hallmark of morality and righteousness in the world is not only under demonic attack but is in fact being relegated to the dustbins of society. How often speech is used not to convey the truth, but to promote a good feeling in others or simply to win someone over to one’s side or one’s point of view. We’ve all heard the old saying, “flattery will get you nowhere.” Sometimes I wonder; did the first person who made this statement do it in jest? For you see, flattery works, and it works remarkably well in our society.
Have you ever seen someone telling a person how great they are, how wonderful they are, how awesome they are and every other superlative you can think of? How often do we make comments to others that are highly exaggerated (if not outright false) so as to place ourselves in a more beneficial position with others? The argument is; why do we offer flattering comments? Does it really work? A flatterer is one who says exaggerated things to influential people in society in order to gain advantage over others to derive benefits like, promotions, placements, attractive employments, political nominations, contracts and allotments etc even at the cost of merit or society’s limited resource.
Is boss always right ? Why do people always say ‘yes’? when they really mean “no”. The answer always baffles me ,’Occupying a privileged status due to a characteristic that one possesses with that difference an individual acquires more power and privilege. Unfortunately that person’s all opinions, values, needs, outlook and feelings are thought to have more value. This is not Muslim way of thinking. Islam taught us how to differ at some particular times with one another. Some people think that we should never differ at all especially when it involves influential people hence all disagreements should be avoided. Nay, this is an incorrect assumption, for the Qur’an and Sunnah show clearly that when a mistake is made it should be corrected. Indeed helping others do what is right is a requirement of the Deen, sincere Naseeha. There are times when the truth must be said politely and stood up for, there is no room for flattery. It is here that the etiquette of disagreement that Islam taught us should prevail. We see in many cases that our Prophet (SAW) gave a way out for the people He differed with. January 24th is celebrated as a Compliment day. A great opportunity to say sincerely something positive about the people you come into contact with. Everyone has good attributes. …that’s right.. everyone.As our state is attaining a record in corruption we never thought we’d reach. Offering compliments to influential has never been strategically important in our daily lives than ever before. Not because people don’t expect them, but precisely people are made to believe it works.
Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and acknowledgement of their worth. While everyone is tied up in their own performance, people hardly take the time off to recognize the work of others. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of inadequacy. Leaders or Executives, all are sensitive and self-conscious about their leadership skills, their motivational powers and their ability to deliver effectively. They crave attention, affirmation and endorsement from positive feedback, though they scarcely get it. And, if they want to maintain respect, they can’t exhibit that they want it. Remember bosses are human beings too –susceptible to temptations. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of inadequacy. Who doesn’t like to be praised, accredited and held in high-esteem?
That’s where you come in.. a well-placed compliment will make you favorable, noteworthy and better suited if you tailor your speech well, and recognize people’s intellect and achievements, it makes you appear more selfless. An experienced flatterer knows where we are susceptible to temptations and how to entice us to do evil. The flatterer knows the terms and values which are held in high esteem by the influential so they appreciate person’s efficiency, talent, sophistication,etc in order to puff them up for his own advantage.
Very few people expect others to enjoy their own tastes, doing so makes a room for future intimacy. These flatterers are like chameleons frequently changing colors. Sometimes they exhibit this art indirectly using office gossip, restaurant tables, facebook photos to compliment in front of the close associates of the people, well aware that a reliable grapevine around will transmit the words to the subject in no time. Trust me, he/she ‘ll get it, sooner or later. A flatterer knits a web artfully, surely in near future the man is going to ask for a favour or will seek the blind loyalty of those upon whom he worked with his manipulative art. You don’t necessarily have to be a corporate tycoon or political stalwart , administrative head, any advantageous position of yours makes you vulnerable as a potential victim. Accept it, we all had it one time or another in the hands of someone experienced enough to exploit this human limitation of ours. I believe it is lack of faith which allows the door to remain open for manipulation deliberately or sub –consciously and evil makes a place secretly extort the help, favour, information, or support at the appropriate time.What grieves me the most if flattery incites preferential treatment merit becomes the first causality with deprivation of deserving, which is a sin. We all know flattery takes root either through lies or exaggerations. The flatterer lacks truth and sincerity, why humanity endorses this obvious grand illusion of self-deification.?
Allah(ST) hates all strategizing on our parts wherein we use and manipulate people in order to seek our own selfish ends. We may even perceive that our intentions are noble (perhaps we have exaggerated the truth with noble ends ), but, let us not secretly use and manipulate one another by distorting or exaggerating the truth. Our duty is simply to speak the truth in love. This is what Prophet (SAW) taught us, and is also mentioned in Bible. The truth does not require sugar-coating. In our daily lives, we are called to commend the deserving, esteem talented people for their valuable contributions or accomplishments. It is important to differentiate between praiseworthy politeness which is sincere and honest encouragement (without exaggeration or distortion) with blameworthy flattery. (Fatah al baari) you simply have to speak in a way that the person understands that you truly care for him. You may encourage someone and that may result in intimacy but if your motive is not “self-serving”, you have done the right thing.
Let us not be associated with those who do the evil of flattery. A flatterer kills his conscience, his own soul for he will not accept the seriousness of his sin and his desperate need of repentance, but continues to tell a lie so often that he comes to believe a lie and to live a lie. Flattery is so easy and acceptable to sinners because we always like to be told that we are more righteous than we are, more attractive than we are, more intelligent than we are, or more gifted than we really are. If we allow ourselves to be flattered by others (not sincerely thanked for a favour extended, nor earnestly commended for a job well done, we will find that such passes from disguised friends will soon become daggers from our open enemy ,Satan – the cursed Devil. My reminder recalls the believers to live in the modern world in accordance with the radiant example of the Prophet (SAW) life, through learning the rulings related to food, dress, gender interaction, earning a living, and more about manners.
